This article is the first of a three part series documenting the negative impact social media and smartphone addiction have created in my life, the temporary break I took from both, and the lessons I learned.
Ask yourself if you’re been here too.
It’s the middle of the second quarter of Game 2 of the NBA Finals. The refs are trigger happy tonight. But Jimmy Butler doesn’t cheat the fans. His 2 foul shots are earned as he barrels yet again to the basket. No flopping needed.
It takes almost three minutes for Jimmy to sink his shots. Three stinking minutes for easy, uncontested free throws. Is Jimmy that slow? No, NBA games are. Timeouts, commercial breaks, and players on both teams crying after every call can make basketball feel like the DMV.
“Move this shit along.” I moan as I reach for my phone. I am pleased that the call went in our favor, but the lull in the action is torture. Thankfully, Facebook, Youtube, Buzzfeed, Twitter, and an entire pantheon of apps and “infotainment” offer distraction on demand.
My indulgence is unconscious...
My hometown Miami Heat that I’ve cheered on for decades is in the NBA finals: The result of an unlikely, 100-1 Cinderella smackdown through the playoffs. A glimmer of hope and triumph during the dimmest, craziest, “you had to be there to believe it” kind of year on record that hasn’t left much to be thrilled about. And rather than being present, engaged, and alive in the moment, I am mindlessly scrolling through Instagram envying, resenting, and judging.
A fellow architectural photographer’s story reveals bts images from a shoot I feel he’s not qualified for. “His work is trash,” I mutter. “They should have called me. How is this jackass constantly booked in the middle of a pandemic?”
His work is not that bad. I am just impulsive with my judgment and view someone else’s success as my failure. I am hyper-competitive and correlate my win-loss record as a photographer directly to my self worth as a man. I’ve seen a shrink or two in my day.
Oh, look… Instagram knows I keep hitting sandtraps and am looking for a new wedge. It’s matte black and promises to improve my short game to professional standards. Gerald undone is doing a comparison between two new LED lights from different brands that are practically the same. Well I need to make an informed decision, right? I bet if I play one round of Super Smash Brothers it’ll end just in time for the game to resume.
There is an average of 44 free throws in an NBA game… What am I doing to my brain?
I have lost my tolerance for boredom. Sound the alarm. This is not a drill.
Boredom is crucial. It’s in those moments of stillness and quiet that our imaginations have the freedom to run wild and where our brains rest and recover the stamina needed for deep concentration. But I can’t go more than a minute at most without frantically seeking another hit of screen time dopamine.
It’s not just NBA games either. I can’t stop at a red light without reaching for my phone. It takes me forever to get out of bed in the morning and I go to sleep way later than I should because I lose track of time watching Youtube videos on everything from the latest camera reviews to video essays about the history of feudal Japan. I’ve wasted eons of my life screaming into the abyss of the Facebook comment section arguing with complete strangers as if there was some great reward waiting for those who excel in making others look stupid.
When all else fails, I can rely on Reddit to monopolize my attention. Seriously, just pick a rabbit-hole and enjoy the free-fall. I personally recommend alien-related subreddits.
Whether I am cooking dinner, or sitting on the toilet, my eyes and ears are glued to whatever is happening on the 4.5-inch screen in the palm of my hand. Hell, I nearly sliced my finger off a couple of months ago chopping vegetables while watching talking heads on Youtube argue whether the R5 was the new messiah of hybrid cameras or doomed to be a failure. (It’s marketing fraud). I finished watching that video in the lobby of an urgent care facility, blood still gushing through a makeshift gauze I threw together until I got professional help.
Do I blame this all entirely on my phone or social media? No, I have always been a bit of a Walter Mitty. My former teachers and employers can verify that my attention is selective and impulsive. But things have gotten worse. I don’t have any scientific credibility to do anything but speculate, but my gut tells me that overindulging in a never-ending carousel of content has altered my brain chemistry over the years, and it’s only gotten worse in the last six months.
Like most of the population, I’ve spent the majority of my time at home with a hunched neck looming over my phone.
A recent viewing of the “Social Dilemma” on Netflix forced me to consider the sobering, dark reality that these apps and platforms are designed to psychologically manipulate you into seeking constant comfort in their warm, capitalistic embrace. I can’t possibly be the only one longing for the days when we demonized advertisements for interrupting our shows, can I? Have you noticed how personal and relevant they are these days? Ads on Instagram and Facebook know me better than I know myself, and they have a record of all the links I’ve clicked on to prove it.
Then of course we have those pesky issues pertaining to privacy, “fake news,” election hacking, information monopolization, self-esteem in children (and adults), and providing sanctuary to white supremacists and gun-nut militias. They require some serious collective introspection and possibly regulation, but that’s a topic for another day. Basic decency has also flown out the window. The physical distance of these platforms has made people way too comfortable saying nasty things to others without the checks and balances of getting punched in the mouth.
I am no Luddite. I do believe with responsible use, social media can do a lot of good. These apps have democratized self-branding and entrepreneurship, opened channels for individuals with niche interests to form communities, and even serve as basecamps for those involved in activism for the polarizing social and political issues of our time.
But I use them as coping mechanisms against my anxieties, to “hate-follow” my “frenemies,” and buy shit I don’t need.
I needed a timeout, some space to reassess my relationships with these platforms, and take back control. So I quit cold turkey for ten whole days (two weeks was the initial goal, but more on that later).
There was no big announcement or plan. It was my personal Howard Beale “I am as mad as hell and I am not going to take this anymore” impulsive moment of conviction after yet another night of poor sleep.
Social Media is Hard to Quit
I have contemplated a self-imposed exile from social media many times in the past but always chickened out when confronted with potential, fabricated hyperbolic consequences. I wasn’t even planning on doing it for long, but I lied to myself by insisting that “I needed it for my business” and that my reach and presence would crumble in my absence leaving my brand shivering in the cold rain while my competitors raided my defenseless digital lands.
As an architectural photographer, social media is a crucial tool. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that Instagram can replace a website or proper portfolio, but it is not uncommon for potential clients or collaborators to ignore the link in my bio and judge me entirely on my feed. I have gotten work and referrals from it and even with my very modest following, people are more likely to discover me there than through SEO or word of mouth. Instagram is quickly becoming a prominent search engine in its own right and not being on it could make me invisible to those who might think to search for my services on it.
Facebook, Instagram, and Youtube have endless potential for business marketing if properly leveraged. The ROI is astronomical. They host more pairs of human eyes and ears than on all forms of traditional media like television, print, and radio combined. Their analytical tools are significantly more accurate, and you can engage with and target your ideal customers in ways those previous platforms could only dream of. Imagine having an audience the size of dozens of football stadiums for every message you broadcast, and imagine being able to talk to every member in attendance individually. This is why if you’re a photographer, you should not let the “but it’s only for ‘social’ so, we don’t have much of a budget excuse” be the reason you give a discount. And why you should defend your copyright against unauthorized use. Content is more valuable on these platforms than anywhere else. But I digress...
It is important to consistently update and maintain your accounts with high-quality content.
But they shouldn't be the only baskets for your marketing eggs. Those dang fickle algorithms make results impossible to predict. What works today might be worthless tomorrow. Just ask all the brands that spent years creating a massive following on Facebook, only for Facebook to hold their audiences ransom by reducing their visibility unless you were willing to pay for it.
This is why your priority should always be to maintain and divert traffic to the platforms you own and directly control, like your website. It is something that I have been historically terrible at. And it can be difficult given just how addictive these platforms can be. They have a way of making you feel productive while you’re wasting time.
And it’s exhausting…
I spent a considerable amount of time breaking down my relationship with the various platforms I use, so I could adequately audit the time I was waiting on them and why they left me feeling so anxious, hollow and defeated. Below is a breakdown.
Instagram:
This is the platform I am most active on because it prioritizes photography. At its best, it can be a great tool for finding inspiration, cultivating community, and creating a following of people who really dig what you’re creating, selling, or making. I can’t even begin to imagine the volume of people who have launched successful businesses or elevated brands to new heights from it. They’re the type of success stories the American Dream is made of.
And yet it often pisses me off…
Quite a number of photographers get constant work and “influencer” opportunities purely from their engagement on it without regard for the quality of their work. I find myself often judging and resenting them, picking apart the flaws in their images as a way of deluding myself into thinking I am just some undiscovered genius.
”These aren’t photographers. They’re bloggers with cameras who resort to cheap gimmicks and shitty presets.”
Instagram has been horrible for my self-esteem because it naturally encourages me to compare myself to others. That doesn’t end well for anyone. Even though I know damn well that what most people post is a finely curated highlight reel of their lives, I consider myself a failure for not being as booked, as active, as fit, or as adventurous as the accounts I follow. The truth is that no matter how shitty their work is or how unmerited their success may be, it is irrelevant to my own personal growth and it drains too much of the finite amount of creative energy we all have in a day. But when have facts ever deterred an addict?
The pressure to churn out constant, quality content is immense. Like Sisyphus and his rock, it can often feel like your efforts are in vain. My style of photography specifically does not lend itself to the quick, fast-food let’s “slather ketchup on a bland composition “style of shooting and editing that Instagram rewards. I tend to shoot for hours in a spot as the light changes to capture a spectrum of options. I then spend hours in Photoshop blending to my taste. I feel like a failure when I can’t maintain the pace. I feel even worse when my photos fail to capture the kind of engagement and momentum photos overly saturated sunsets, cats, or bikini iPhone selfies seem to attract.
And I know what you may be thinking: That Gary Vaynerchuck mantra of “documenting vs creating.” That I don’t have to put so much pressure on myself to constantly make work because documenting the journey and putting more of your “personality” out there is a better way to connect and engage with your audience. I get that. But that circles back to me chomping on the resentment I feel for others who succeed not because of their work but their personalities. I am under the false pretense that we live in a meritocracy. We do not.
It has crossed my mind on several occasions to change my profile picture to that of a generic, “attractive woman” to see it changes anything.
It’s a fact of life. People work with people they know, like, and trust. And what’s popular isn’t always good. But here’s the thing. My personality can be….an acquired taste. I'm terrified of putting myself out there like that because I don’t trust it with that kind of responsibility.
Facebook:
Facebook is another platform that has loads of potential. But because Its organic reach is garbage, I don’t tend to be active on it with any business intent. I resent having to pay for the attention.
I do not use it at all for its original purpose of maintaining “friendships.” In fact, I deliberately muted all of my “friends” from my feed because I don’t give a damn about baby photos, birthday parties, or anyone’s crazy, misinformed political opinions. I would have deleted all my friends altogether but would rather not deal with the guilt-tripping fallout such an action would bring.
It serves three purposes :
I participate in a variety of photography and filmmaking groups that act as basecamps for my professional connections. A few have proven to be excellent sources of knowledge and free-flowing exchange of ideas. Most quickly unravel into chaos. What I imagine the gunfight at the O.K. Corral would have been if you replaced outlaws and lawman with fanboy nerds arguing over cameras, as if Canon or Sony would personally descend from heaven to kiss them for defending their honor.
It’s my main source of news mostly because I am too lazy to visit individual websites. I rely on it to curate the articles and stories I consume. And that’s not a good thing because I’ve learned that it’s an echo chamber that reinforces things I already believe. I don’t necessarily want to be immersed in alt-right conspiracy theories, but as my college communications professor once said: “If I can control what you see, I can control how you think.” So I need to make a better effort to source my own sources of information.
The marketplace is an excellent platform for selling used gear and saves me from the outrageous, criminal fees eBay charges.
For the most part, Facebook is a convenient excuse to avoid doing meaningful work. It’s like kerosene for procrastination. My ego is easily provoked. I get suckered into way too many arguments and discussions about politics, gear, and photography trends that serve no purpose other than to make me feel superior to those I get the better of and resentful to those who get the better of me.
Arrogant in victory. Petulant in defeat. That is my legacy on the platform.
At least I have succeeded on multiple occasions to suspend my account and delete it from my phone for long periods of time. My last two reactivations were purely motivated by my desire to sell some gear; however, it is a Lazarus pit for bad habits, so it doesn’t take long for them to reanimate.
YouTube:
Youtube has the largest potential for ROI. It is the world’s second-largest search engine and is owned by the first (Google). Too bad that I don’t use it at all to create anything. I just consume an unhealthy amount of content related to gear reviews. I often tend to have something playing in the background when I am doing dishes, driving, working out, or otherwise looking for something that will help me tolerate the tedium of life’s little routine chores. It’s also what keeps me in bed for an hour before waking up. I tend to trick myself by thinking that I am being productive on the platform because I am “learning” about recent trends in the industry or developing new Photoshop or color grading skills.
Don’t get me wrong, Youtube is a wonderful place to learn new skills or improve current ones. But after a certain point, learning gets in the way of doing.
I should be using the platform to create and distribute my own content to elevate my own brand, but that would require work and I am terrified of looking like an idiot on camera.
The Verdict
These platforms are escape pods that let us drift away from our existential voids. We don’t have to be alone with our despair nor confront our insecurities. We can avoid risk. They make us comfortable and cozy while they mine our psyches for our desires and fears so they can use them against us. Like any comfort zone, if you stay too long, you become a fat house cat. You lose your edge to fight, and the grit to endure.
I am of course speaking quite hyperbolically in worst-case scenarios. But my experience thus far has told me that those worse case scenarios don’t announce their arrival. By the time you notice them, the damage has been done. You’ve succumbed to habits you need to shatter to break.
Click here for part two where I get into the meat of my break from social media.